Wednesday, November 18, 2009

ITS OVER!!

I know I have been horrible at keeping up on this blog. At the last blog I was on I believe on my third chemo treatment. God has been good and I was able to only have to endure 3 more treatments after that for a total of 6 in total.

These treatments showed me the strength of God and how my strength is not in myself but from God. He has shown me that all things work together to those who love him and for me to live in and for HIM.

I have wasted much time, instead of living solely for him I was living for myself. It's hard to explain. I have made mistakes in my life, that had consequences, but the suffering is beautiful because the scar that is left behind is a testament of where and what God has carried us through. The journey is not always pleasant, it gets hard and sometimes the results are not what we want them to be- but when we are truly living for HIM- no matter the outcome - HE is still praised and HE is still Almighty.

When I went in for my latest appointment this past week- I was scared. Scared that my latest CT scan would show that the cancer was back and that I would have to go through more chemo OR some other treatment. This whole journey has been a bundle of emotions- happiness, saddness, goofiness (esp when I couldnt find my keys (oh wait, I did that before "chemo brain"), and anger. I know that God allowed me to experience this journey for a reason and those reasons are a daily reminder of why I am in REMISSION today.

I no longer live for myself and the things that make ME happy. I take joy in spending time with my son and pushing myself at work over and beyond has taken a back seat to relaxing and seeing the beauty in life.

This song has been very special during this time.



I have had numerous surgeries and procedures during this time and have scars that were left behind. Although they are not pretty to look at- I wouldn't change it because it reminds me of where I was and what I came through. Just like when we go through hard times and maybe we don't make the right decision- the scars are left behind not to remind us of our mistakes- but to remind us that God loves us and has healed our hearts. I know this may seem like I am rambling- but I am just so amazed at the love and graciousness of our Lord Jesus.

Heal the wound by Point of Grace.



I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar



Thank you for your prayers and thoughts during this time and continue to pray for me and my family as I continue to get better. :)

Sandra